Where Angels fear to tread

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Where Angels fear to tread

Postby ckiefer » Fri Sep 24, 2010 2:28 am

Is it possible to mourn someone who hasn’t passed?

Today I drove to Palm Springs to be with my sister Debbie for
her husband’s memorial service. She is battling breast cancer and her dear husband was on the liver transplant list. He did not get that chance.

Before entering her home I made a quick stop to call my eldest sister for support. I did not want to enter the house sobbing for my own loss, I was there to be her rock. So thank you Linda for helping me today.....you are my rock.

On the ride there I found the perfect love song for “my guy”, my husband.....Randy

Bryan Adams

Where Angels Fear To Tread lyrics

well i'm wrapped around your finger
and i'm never letting go
you know i'm happy just to linger
and let the feeling flow

this must be an illusion
i know this can't be real
but right here and right now
this is paradise i feel

i never thought i'd find someone to move me
someone who could see right thru me
you found your way into my head
where even angels fear to tread

don't wanna go out walkin
don't wanna take a drive
don't wanna move from this sweet spot baby
while this feelin's still alive

the way we fit together
it's like we're meant to be
and right here and right now
this is paradise to me

never thought i'd find someone to move me
someone who could see right thru me
you found your way into my head
where even angels fear to tread

you found your way into my head
where even angels fear to tread

I know that I have heard this song before, long ago as it’s been on my ipod for quite some time. I started sobbing here

“this must be an illusion
i know this can't be real
but right here and right now
this is paradise i feel”

I played this song over and over, all the way there and all the way back home.

There must have been angels accompanying me to my sister’s house today and on my ride back home, as I arrived safely.

Sometimes we caregivers put on our brave face for our loved ones with this disease. I know I do, or I try. It is in my car when I am alone that I can release the stress and fears I keep hidden in my head and in my heart. It is there when I am alone that I cry, I mourn the loss of life we once shared together. My heart aches for him........
Diagnosis of PSP November 9, 2007
Age at diagnosis 59
ckiefer
 
Posts: 117
Joined: Fri Nov 09, 2007 10:07 pm

mourning

Postby Alice Gillam » Fri Sep 24, 2010 9:31 pm

Your words are exactly how I feel, mourning the life we used to have, putting a brave face on, aching with disbelief on the inside. I stay so busy trying to keep stuff up, I think it's a way of trying to run from it, psp. Also to tease and joke with my husband, pwpsp, and make him laugh. To hug and to love. Heart breaking, knowing its so hard for him to communicate his feeling on all of this.
Alice Gillam
 
Posts: 41
Joined: Mon Mar 09, 2009 8:10 am
Location: michigan

Postby Meerkat » Fri Sep 24, 2010 10:19 pm

Yes me too mourned when realizing there's no way back for us since early this year... The grief already started long before I finally lost my husband a month ago. Since then I prayed over and over for Lord to strengthen my faith as the bereavement is so painful that I almost prefer to believe that my beloved one already turned into dust and is no more anywhere, not even in Heaven.
It is difficult, dear friends, but we shall endure and not despair. Just cry if it helps you keep going a little further since we are mere human.
Sofi
Meerkat
 
Posts: 62
Joined: Wed Sep 01, 2010 10:35 pm
Location: Virginia

Postby Robin » Sat Sep 25, 2010 10:38 am

Carol,

Anticipatory grief is definitely real. I realized when my father died (autopsy-confirmed PSP) that I had already been grieving a long time. Many start grieving as soon as they hear a diagnosis.

My condolences on the loss of your brother-in-law.

Robin
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Posts: 3845
Joined: Fri Feb 20, 2004 2:32 am
Location: USA - Northern CA

Postby Robin » Mon Sep 27, 2010 10:36 pm

Sofi,
My condolences on the recent loss of your husband.
Robin
Robin
 
Posts: 3845
Joined: Fri Feb 20, 2004 2:32 am
Location: USA - Northern CA

Postby Meerkat » Tue Sep 28, 2010 7:04 pm

Thank you Robin both for this message and you and the others' previous numerous, knowledgeable postings that helped me care for John, my beloved husband, until his final hours. I deeply appreciate it. / Sofi
Meerkat
 
Posts: 62
Joined: Wed Sep 01, 2010 10:35 pm
Location: Virginia

Where Angels Fear to Tread

Postby ckiefer » Wed Sep 29, 2010 12:49 am

Thank you all for posting. I know your pain, I live with that pain everyday of my life now. I know about trying to keep busy too. I'm not sure what that means. Nervous energy waiting for the other shoe to drop, trying to prepare myself, stay strong (?) Searching and searching for something that will help us.

I have been vacillating between these stages: Denial, Grief, Acceptance (and/or trying to play God), Anger....lots of it!, Depression, Grief/Acceptance.

I know the grief will continue to come, but in waves and usually only when I am alone....although I have shown it in front of my husband on occasion. Usually I try my best to keep things "real", light, with lots of humor.

Here's where I've been since my last post:

Family Caregiver Resources
Anticipatory Caregiver Grief
http://forum.psp.org/viewtopic.php?t=8338

Spousal Caregivers confront brutal challenges
http://forum.psp.org/viewtopic.php?t=8500

Encouraging Comfort Care publication
http://forum.psp.org/viewtopic.php?t=8476

General Discussion
The Caregiving Boomerang by Gail Sheehy
http://forum.psp.org/viewtopic.php?t=8468

I would also like to mention a book that I found very helpful by janet Edmunson titled "Finding Meaning with Charles". It helped me transition out of the anger and isolation mode.

I had read Robin's posts on anticipatory grief before posting my question but must have forgotten about it. So these links above are for those of us who forget. They are some of the very best I have ever read. It is my hope they are never buried as they are much too important for us all.

With appreciation and compassion,
Carol....

p.s. Don't forget to check out this section "Grief Support" on Books to read for grieving.
Diagnosis of PSP November 9, 2007
Age at diagnosis 59
ckiefer
 
Posts: 117
Joined: Fri Nov 09, 2007 10:07 pm


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