Overwhelmed but still hanging on by a thread

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Overwhelmed but still hanging on by a thread

Postby Crazy Mary » Mon Aug 03, 2009 4:14 am

I know I mentioned my Dad and his battle with Cancer. Well he's bet it twice. Cancer is a disease that just keeps coming at you,Dad has developed two more tumors and they say there is no more to do. Well maybe kemo if he can handle it. But they haven't given much of a prognosis. I know my faith is being tested or atleast it feels that way. We've lost three of Bruce's family members in the last two months. Now this,and the stress is showing on Mom. I got a call from her this morning and went to the house. She possibly had a mini stroke,I think she is just so scared of losing Dad. As I worked with her taking BP and pulse I watch my Dad and his fear is there too.
I feel like I am watching them go through what Bruce and I went through when he was diagnosed. I think you all know what I mean. I had to tell the kids. I know I am suppose to be strong but I don't know how much strength I have left here.
I am trying to prepare myself mentally for what is to come but emotionally it's killing me. What the heck don't we deserve a break here! It
will be a year sense Bruce has been gone on the 19th and it seems like there's been no real break.
I know I may sound selfish but I don't care because it's just not fair. If it wasn't for the kids and grandbabies I think I would just give up. What the heck,every time I turn around it's someone else whose sick or gone. When does it stop even for awhile. :( :x .
I go from trying not to lose it to having to put on an act for the family so they don't fall apart. I just don't know how much longer I can do it. Mom and Dad have been with each other forever and each is afraid of losing the other and I am afraid of losing them and can't show it.
I am sorry if I seem to ramble and am being selfish and whiney. I just need to vent so I can go on. Tommorow is another day and I will need to have it together again for what maybe coming next.
Mary
wife of Bruce 54 years old diag.2003 symptoms since 2001. Freed of PSP on Aug. 19th 2008
Crazy Mary
 
Posts: 1239
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:40 am
Location: USA

Postby upstatelady » Wed Sep 09, 2009 8:05 am

Hi Mary. I haven't been around here posting much. I was looking through some of the older posts and came across this one just this morning. How are you doing? How is your dad and mom? My thoughts are with you and you are so right ~ one day at a time.
Daughter of Pat born 10/5/37. Diagnosed in May 2007 with PSP. Mom's journey on earth ended 8/14/09.
upstatelady
 
Posts: 37
Joined: Wed Jun 13, 2007 4:00 pm
Location: USA, NY state

Postby Crazy Mary » Wed Sep 09, 2009 9:05 pm

Thank you so much for caring. Dad is a tough old bird. He says no to kemo and will do it his way. He and Mom finally are doing their paper work which is relieving. On the one year anniversary of Bruce's passing Mom had to have heart surgery.
I stayed until we knew she was okay and when I was getting ready to leave she told me to tell Bruce Hi. I figure she knew I was going to the grave yard. It was a long day for all of us.
You know it seems to me that every time I go to the cemetery so many more of our loved ones coming home the wrong way from Irag. When Bruce was buried there a year ago it seemed empty in that section. Now it is just about full and they are working on another section. It just breaks my heart. I am so glad that Mark is back in the states for now.
I am doing the day by day thing and spending as much time as I can with the grandbabies. However I wish I could bottle their energy and sell it I'd be rich. Then of course there are some who just want to make things harder if they can.
Here's a good one. Bruce has been gone a year and I have darn near cleaned myself out taking care bills and things that needed to be done around here. Well I started getting calls from different people who had been on the internet on different sites telling me that Bruce's ex wife who has been married twice sense her divorce from Bruce is going by mrs. with of course Hamblin at the end of it. When I checked I realized this was not a legal name change. However I have told the people who called that if it makes her feel good to pretend that that was okay as long as it doesn't effect me. But I have been keeping an eye on my credit and have a deal where I get alerted when anyone checks on my credit. I would suggest that anyone having a similar situation do a credit check of their own. There are two accounts on mine that I have no idea what they are and when I called the one company they didn't either,so they are suppose to take it off my report. We'll see if they do.
So as you can tell never a boring moment around here. Now how are you doing? I still write my letters to Bruce,I have a journal and when I go to the grave site I always take a letter to him. It seems to help me not feel so alone if you know what I mean. I still miss him horribly. I am almost done with the list of things we wanted to get done around here. I don't know what I'll do with myself when I am done with it all.
Thanks again and take care of yourself
Mary
wife of Bruce 54 years old diag.2003 symptoms since 2001. Freed of PSP on Aug. 19th 2008
Crazy Mary
 
Posts: 1239
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:40 am
Location: USA


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