One year anniversary

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One year anniversary

Postby les » Sat Jan 24, 2009 2:56 am

My mom will have been gone 1 year on the 29th. They have a catholic mass every thursday at the nursing home where my mom used to be. My aunt (my mom's sister) volunteers there and I guess sort of runs it. The priest is dedicating this mass to my mom and its going to be on Thursday.
My brother is going to it.

I want to go and I also don't want to go. I am scared to go in the building because that's where my mom was the last two years of her suffering and that's where she passed away. I am also so scared of breaking down in front of everyone because I am not over it. I think it is I feel like I should be over this and I'm not and I feel sort of embarrased and I feel sort of mad like why go, it will just make me cry. Is this selfish of me?

Anyways I probably will end up going.

I think the whole thing of watching my mom suffer so much for so long has basically destroyed me inside. I don't think I will ever be the same or I will ever be my old self again.

I am making the best of the situation and I am trying. People say think about the good things about your mom but I JUST CAN'T YET. When they say this I feel so mad inside.

I can think of little snippets of the past but my mind goes back a lot of times to when my poor mom was suffering so much. It makes my stomach turn to think about it. I just feel so so sorry and there is nothing I can do and that makes me so angry. I am still so angry at the disease and how can you be angry at a disease. Who or what can you be angry at. It is a disease not a person.

I think I have started fights with my friends due to this anger and I have also isolated myself which I know is so so wrong and also I am so so sorry that I caused a problem on the Back Porch site when I voiced my opinion about that video. I have had about 4 fights this whole week with different people. The whole last year I have felt mostly just anger but it is way less intense but I still have it and before all this happened I was not an angry person. I never had issues with anger.

But anyways, enough ranting. I guess I am just depressed right now. I think I'll be okay once the 29th is over.

Thanks for reading and listening,

Lesley

my mom passed away Jan 29/08 from PSP - miss you mom and love you always
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Postby cruzgal » Sat Jan 24, 2009 10:07 am

Lesley,
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time getting on with your life after the loss of your mother. Have you checked into whether there's a grief support group of any kind in your area? I know when my mom died 15 years ago there was a group sponsored by the funeral home. There were also some churches in the community that offered grief counseling. At one point I thought I should check it out because I, too, was having a lot of trouble adjusting. I never went, but in hindsight I think I should have. I eventually got over the anger of having her taken at such an early age and the tearful outbursts eventually subsided, but it could have made things easier and perhaps shortened my suffering.

Regardless of the cause of death, the loss of a loved one can be difficult to accept. Help doesn't have to come from a group with a common disease, either--the grief can be just as great whether the loved one died from something like PSP or AD, cancer or a heart attack.

Don't be afraid to reach out for help. What you're still feeling may be natural, but if something (or someone) can lessen your pain then there's no reason you shouldn't take advantage of that help. I'm sure your mom would want you to respect her memory but would also want you to be happy with your own life.

(((((Hugs)))))
Brenda
Beloved Mother-in-Law was PwPSP, dx Sept. 2008 at age 80, symptoms since early 2006.
Elizabeth C. b. 12/14/1927, d. 4/07/2012
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Postby les » Sat Jan 24, 2009 10:18 am

Dear Brenda:

Thanks for writing to me. I am up early and on here so that's why I'm replying so fast.

I see a doctor once a week. I just can't seem to get over all the suffering my mom went thru. It was just too much for her and my whole family. It was really hard to watch and for so long.No one in my family is the same anymore. Maybe I am a weak person, I don't know.

I am hoping I will get over this. Perhaps I need more things to do in my life and right now I am just in a rut.

Things will get better. Thanks for caring about me.

Lesley
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Postby eplowman » Sat Jan 24, 2009 6:39 pm

Dear Lesley,

I wish you lived close by. I'd love to sit down with you in a neutral setting and "talk things out" with you. I'd want you to do most of the talking, with me doing most of the listening. I might have no magic solutions for you, but just trying to discern the sources of unrest and troubled, conflicting thoughts could be a giant step toward healing.

You seem to be a very open person, so please allow me to tell you what I THINK I know about you from things you've said here on the forum. Please don't get angry or depressed; just tell me if I'm flat-out wrong about anything.

I KNOW you loved your mom very much. I KNOW you miss her very much.

I THINK the following may be true:

(1) FEAR is a powerful part of your being. Fear can be a good thing. It can make us safer drivers on the road. :) It kept Evangelist Billy Graham, one of the most admired and respected figures in the world, from making rash, foolish decisions that would have ruined him and his work. But fear can be bad if it paralyzes you from stepping out and pursuing goals, from doing what you know needs to be done, from accepting the changes and limitations (personal appearance, certain circumstances, etc.) that come with the passing years and over which we may have little control, and from being a blessing to others. Having seen and agonized over what PSP did to your mom, you may be worried something horrible can happen to you, and the what-if's are keeping you on edge.

(2) You are living with GUILT and REGRETS from the past that still may be coloring present relationships with dark hues. Ghosts of the past are still haunting you, and you are finding it hard to free yourself from them. This in turn frustrates and stresses you, resulting in more pressure and causing you sometimes to lash out in anger at some who may be closest to you -- keeping the cycle going. It can be hard to forgive and forget.

(3) You are a sensitive person; you feel deeply about things. But your focus tends to be too much INWARD and not enough OUTWARD. This can make you feel others are looking or acting critically toward you, when they really aren't, or it can make you feel like you are not getting the attention you need and deserve, and things go downhill from there. You know that what you can do to help others in need should receive more of your time and energy, but you're having trouble making it happen..

If any of these lay assessments are correct, discuss them with your counselor.

If they are way off the mark, tell me so (but don't vent too loudly, I'm shy and my feelings are easily hurt! :) ) In that case, my sincerest apologies.

I'm rooting for you. All the best,

ed p.
|My wife of 56 years was Rose b. 1930, dx 1999, symptoms from 1997; d. 06/21/08; PSP-rs autopsy confirmed.
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Postby les » Sat Jan 24, 2009 9:07 pm

Ed:

I had written a post in response and then deleted it because I didn't say what I meant in it. You are right about the sensitive part and the fear part but not about the anger part and I think I am too needy at times.

I never had anger before my mom died and now I do. I also have fear that other people in my life are going to die now too and that I will end up being all alone.

I think that you are trying to be nice and help me but I think I may have complained and whined on here too much and I am sorry. I know that I am not the only one who has lost someone everyone else on here has too and maybe I am trying to get too much attention by focusing on myself which I know is wrong and I shouldn't be doing that. I should be helping others.

I wish all the best for you too.

Lesley
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Postby les » Sat Jan 24, 2009 9:22 pm

P.S. I want my daughter to write a really nice poem about my mom as a tribute to her. My daughter's poems are really beautiful and my daughter is also a singer too and is very good in school.

I am going to post it under the thread that I started under the Family caregiver resources.

Lesley
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Postby Bonkers » Sun Jan 25, 2009 12:28 pm

Les, I too had a VERY hard time adjusting to life as I now know it. My Dad and my Mom were my whole life. I was very close to both of my parents.

I basically lost WHO my parents were long before they left me physically--so you would think I would have been somewhat through the grieving process---even my doctor told me that. But you know what Les, everyone is their own person. No two people mourn the same, grieve the same or are the same in any way exactly. So one person may take one month to go through the grieving process and another person may take years to process and even another person might not get through their grief in a lifetime. I lost my Dad in September 14th of 2006. I lost my Mom on November 6, 2008. I only lived 4 miles from them and I talked or called my Mom several times a day. Even if it was just to tell her I saw some stupid weird little bug of some kind---she was my Mom. I am a part of her and she is a part of me. I miss her and Dad soooo very much. I am not through my grief for either of them. I am doing better and am coping with things---but there is ALWAYS going to be a huge tear in my heart and soul. There is no mending my tear--but I am learning to live with it. I look at it this way---that very tear in my heart and soul is a wound. An open wound. It takes time to heal a wound--whether it is a flesh wound or an emotional wound. And just as you cannot hurry a horrible flesh wound neither can you hurry a wound of the heart or the soul. Everyone heals differently---some will heal with huge scars and some will heal with no scars at all. It depends on our own heart and souls. I know mine has been wounded immensely and I cannot hurry my healing even though I want to. I can't. So I take one day at a time. Do the things I need to do and then love my heart and soul, care for the wound daily, and tell myself that "I will be okay". My Mom always told me when I was disgusted or upset--"that there's always a better day coming". And I tell myself that a lot. As if my Mom were saying the very words to me. For now---I am doing things for myself like "honoring" my parents. I am standing steadfast and doing what I believe in. I found two things that really worked for me. First when I lost my Dad---I went and purchased a few Belted Galloway cows (the Oreo cookie cows). My Dad and I used to talk about buying a couple head of them as we both thought they were neat. They eat shrubs & etc and are good stock to have. So I did that in honor of my Dad. It gave me chores to do, it gave me a warm feeling of being connected to Dad, it gave me something to "care" for and to take "care" of. I was needed. And my Dad would have been very pleased. Now my Mom---she always wanted to have some fruit trees but Dad didn't want them. So she kind of always just "wanted them". I planted 7 fruit trees along their driveway. For Mom. Again ---it was something I felt connected to my Mom by doing. And every time I go to the farm to care for the cows---I pass by all 7 trees. Do the cows and the trees help anyone else---no---absolutely not. But being that my parents were farmers and I come from a long line of farm lineage---it was right for me. Not right for my sister, my brother, my husband--but it helped me.

Each of us must look inside ourselves and I think that is what is so unsettling and sometimes hurts the most because death and illness and disease brings all of our inner feelings to the top---right out where we must see them and we must deal with them. Each person has different feelings and different ways of dealing with emotions and love and hurt. And through all of this I think one of the things I have learned is that you must be true to yourself. Only you know yourself. No one else does. They may think they do, but the very heart and soul of you is only known by you. And to heal takes different time amounts for different wounds. Give yourself time. Don't hurry the process. Don't put a timeframe on it. You can't. You only know when you are through the grieving process when you are on the other side of it looking back. And then when you realize you are there on the far side of grief--then and only then do you focus on beginning to heal the wound that is starting to heal. Do NOT let anyone tell you that you SHOULD be through grieving by 6 months or by a year or whatever timeframe they are fitting you in. Just wanting to be through grief tells me that you are okay. It is when you want to stay inside the grief forever and wallow inside yourself--then that is when you need to ask for help from outside yourself. It is okay to grieve and to mourn. It is okay to take your time to do so. Just be kind to yourself, take care of only one day at a time, and know that healing will come. Your Mom and my Mom both would want us to. They were Moms. And always will be in our hearts where they now abide with us. They are us and we are them.

And it is scarey to go back to the nursing home. Only go if it is a feeling of "honor" that causes you to go. IF you do not want to go, you do not have to go. Don't go just because someone else thinks you should. Go if you yourself want to go. Be true to yourself.

And it is normal I think to feel those feelings of "not knowing what to do". I even debated long and hard on whether to go to my Mom's funeral or not. Each of us are different in that aspect also---we all view life and death through our own eyes and hearts. Do what is right for YOU.
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Postby les » Sun Jan 25, 2009 7:56 pm

Dear Bonkers:

Thank you for sharing your feelings with me. It helps and makes me feel like I'm not alone.

I'm going to go on Thursday even though a part of me doesn't want to and I am also going to walk down to the ward and by the room that my mom lived in for two years. I just want to do that, I guess in memory of her.

You sound like you were very close to your parents too and that is so beautiful that you do things in memory of them. I want to do positive things like that too.

Lesley
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Postby Crazy Mary » Mon Jan 26, 2009 1:45 am

Les, I want to thank you for starting this as reading what was said in response made sense to me as well. I myself go from crying my eyes out to being mad not only at PSP but I am ashamed to say at Bruce. I what him here and he's not. I know he can't be and I know I'm not being logical when I feel that way. But I find nothing about this that is logical.
As I have posted before,I have always been an independent,strong willed and definitely hard headed person.
I guess in my own fantasy I figured if we held out long enough that we would find a cure. I find myself talking to or writing Bruce everyday,that sounds crazy I know. But it helps me to let lose of my feelings which at times are so intense. I don't think there is a right or wrong way to morn the loss of someone we love,we just morn. It is hard not to let those feeling become so intense that they take over,I know. But there are times that I still cannot function for hours or a day due to my grief. I am getting better at recognizing what I am doing and how it is effecting the rest of my family and I am doing my best to find ways to deal with it. Somedays I do okay others not so well. But maybe some day.
Today when I woke up hurting and missing Bruce,I did some things that he would have wanted me to be doing. I actually got some of my art work done and painted the bathroom. This is the time of year that we always started getting ready for Pow Wows and craft shows. So he was always pushing me to get this or that made. Maybe that is going to be my therapy. Who knows.
Don't apologize for the feeling you are having,there yours and the way you choose to deal with your grief is up to you. Sometimes it is hard to not let our feeling and emotions effect the people around us,but all we can do is keep them in mind and I myself will apologize on those really bad days and most of the time people do understand.
Take care of yourself
Mary
wife of Bruce 54 years old diag.2003 symptoms since 2001. Freed of PSP on Aug. 19th 2008
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Postby momppsp » Mon Jan 26, 2009 8:16 am

Les: I am so sorry you are having a tough time. Like PSP, everyone deals with a death differently. I truly think you need to go and I love the poem your daughter will write. All this will help you internally. Don't be too hard on yourself. All things we do are small steps in ACCEPTING, not getting OVER it. You never get over it. It's been a tough month for us also. 1 year of Mom's passing on Jan. 10th and yesterday was Mom and Dad's anniversary. We all went to the gravesite on the 10th and had a toast. Having my sisters there for support made it a little easier but my little sister did look up and say, YOU LITTLE S...TS. Why did you leave!!

I'm glad you feel you are not alone. We all want to hold you. We are your family and glad you are still here. So if you feel like crying or screaming, well, go right ahead. We will be here to help pick you up.
Deborah-Mom w/PSP symp 9yrs+-diag. 6/04
received her wings January 10, 2008
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Postby Bonkers » Mon Jan 26, 2009 11:12 am

I wanted to say something else too---always remember that tears are good things. God gave them to us for a reason. I have found that even though I do not like to cry---afterwards I feel anew. It seems that the tears give me strength and I can go on. To me--tears are free and they are cleansing-- they tend to make us healthier emotionally and mentally.

Mary Kay Mueller is a wonderful motivational speaker from Omaha, Nebraska--she once explained to me that everyone has a bowl inside of them if you can use your imagination---called a tear bowl---and when it fills up completely--we have to dump our tear bowl out before we can put anymore in. Our tear bowls are full to the brim eventually and must be emptied to keep catching all the needed tears.

So do not feel bad and do not feel embarrassed. Tears are good things. And they should not be held back. God gave them to us to be shed for many reasons. Do not let anyone tell you that you shouldn't cry---if God didn't want us to cry and to express emotions--He wouldn't have given us tears or feelings either one. So when we express our sorrow, our grief, our sadness by tears--you are actually using a gift from God.
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Postby les » Mon Jan 26, 2009 11:03 pm

Thanks, Crazy Mary, Deb and Bonkers - We are all in this together. I have a lot of good days and a lot of bad days and I guess cause the 29th is approaching, that's why I've been thinking of my mom so much.

It is especially hard at night for me when everything's quiet and I am lying in my bed in the darkness trying to go off to sleep. I actually like that time of night because it is usually so peaceful but then I start thinking and remembering my mom when she was ill and I think to myself stop thinking about that and I try but yet the pictures keep coming in my head along with feelings of sadness, hurt and agony at what I saw and remember. I get a tight feeling in my stomach and I usually start crying and then I get mad because I have to get up and blow my nose but then I lie down again and I try and pray or meditate and I will usually drift off to sleep when I do that.

This doesn't happen every night but a lot of nights. I try and replace the bad memories with good ones but it doesn't always work because then I just end up missing my mom, the mom before she got sick, and I cry anyways.

I think it will just take more time and I have a lot of that (I hope) and I think I have to just allow myself to feel all these feelings and accept them and not think I have to be a certain way. If I just do that I think it would be better.

Anyways, I have a really busy week. My daughter is singing twice this week at two different places, so that's really fun to watch and I'm going out with my sister-in-law this Friday coming up so I have lots to do, plus work full time and go to the mass for my mom on Thursday. So this week my life is busy so that's good!

Love,
Lesley
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Postby momppsp » Tue Jan 27, 2009 8:27 am

The busy week will do you some good. Makes me tired just reading the post. You sound much better that the first writing of the post and hope it continues.

Much hugs!
Deborah-Mom w/PSP symp 9yrs+-diag. 6/04
received her wings January 10, 2008
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Postby bonnie_b » Tue Jan 27, 2009 8:31 am

Hi Lesley,

I am so sorry that things are so tough for you, but I am glad that you posted because it makes me realise that my feelings are normal. I, too, have the crying episodes every night, after the kids have gone to bed. Mom always said not to hold things in. I think if you do, you will be so filled up with that feeling that there is no room for anything else, so i cry until I fall asleep. I find when I wake up, although my eyes are not so attractive, I feel almost lighter. I see Mom's face all the time, and when I do it is my real mom, the one that was smiling and laughing and always going, not how she looked with psp. That is what makes me cry all of the time because I miss her so bad. I actually have a pic of her, taken shortly before she passed away that I have to pull out so that I can be grateful that she is at peace now. That is when I realise that I am crying for me now, and not her. I could be wrong, and I hope this doesn't sound pushy, but it sounds to me like you are still crying for her and not yourself. I think that once you can start crying and grieving for yourself that you will begin to heal. You need to concentrate on you now. I don't think that we are meant to get over the loss of someone that we loved, and who loved us, so much. I think maybe, in time, we just come to accept that loss and learn how to allow ourselves to feel the pain without having it eat us up. I know in my case, that the past 4 years I haven't really felt anything, while caring for Mom. There were a lot of tears and I did feel anger against this damn disease but it was all masked a bit by numbness. I think that was necessary in order for me to do what I had to for Mom. I think I have gotten so used to things being numb, that it is a big jolt to the system to finally be feeling something again. That may be why the grief and longing for what was, hurts so bad. I hope in time that happiness will be another one of those emotions that I haven't felt for a long time will be just as strong. I really hope that things start getting easier for you and all of us soon. Take care and remember that we are all in this together. Your not alone.

Bonnie
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Postby Bonkers » Tue Jan 27, 2009 1:41 pm

Something that helped me fall asleep was a music CD by Dr. Andrew Weil. The first one I would recommend is Sound Mind, Sound Body and you can find it on Amazon or ebay---usually around 7 to 10 dollars. The second one I have is Self Healing with Sound and Music--also by Dr. Andrew Weil along with Kimba Arem. She uses ancient instruments which harmonize with our brain waves. The second CD usually runs a couple of dollars higher. Both are very good I think. I play them when I am having trouble going to sleep and they have done wonders for me! You might even be able to find used ones on Amazon or like at a Hastings Book Store.
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Postby cruzgal » Wed Jan 28, 2009 10:33 pm

Lesley,
I know tomorrow's "the day" and that it will be very difficult for you. If you do go to the service in honor of your mom, I sincerely hope it makes you feel better. Don't worry if the tears flow...I'm sure I'd do the same. I know the first funeral I had to go to after my mom died, I felt sure everyone else at the service thought I must have been a very close friend from the way I cried, when, in fact, I was only there because the lady had been such a good friend of my mom's.

And if you have decided you just can't attend, don't feel bad about that, either--we can each do only that which is right for us.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know we'll be thinking of you and to send you some virtual (((((((HUGS))))))) to help you get through the day.
Brenda
Beloved Mother-in-Law was PwPSP, dx Sept. 2008 at age 80, symptoms since early 2006.
Elizabeth C. b. 12/14/1927, d. 4/07/2012
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Postby Bonkers » Wed Jan 28, 2009 10:56 pm

Les,
I am sending you cyber hugs also. We are thinking of you and I pray God will grant you the needed strength for tomorrow. Take care of yourself and just know we are here for you.
Becky
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Postby les » Thu Jan 29, 2009 1:25 am

Dear everyone:

I came on here late at night just to see if there were any new posts under any of the topics and saw your words of support for me. Thank you so much. It means a lot to me.

I'm going tomorrow night to the service and hopefully it won't be too hard. My brother will be there and we're going out after, maybe to watch a hockey game and my mom was the biggest hockey fan ever so that would be the perfect way to end the evening and it will also be fun, so I will just concentrate on that.

I can't believe it's been a year. It seems like it was yesterday that she died. I guess when your grieving your mind sort of stays back in that time because you think about it so much that a year goes by and it seems like such a short time when it really is pretty long.

I was trying to think if anything good has come out of this and I then realized that I am really trying to have a better relationship with my own daughter. I am making more of an effort to do more things with her, to listen to her and enjoy her.

As a tribute to my mom, I just wanted to tell you some of the things I loved about her:

- When I sat beside her and she stroked my hair
- When I would tell her something that was really upsetting me and worrying me, she would put it into perspective and everything then seemed better and it seemed like I had nothing to worry about anymore
- Her sarcastic sense of humor
- When I grew up and moved away from home, when life got hard I could go back home to visit and I would feel safe and young again and have a place where I totally belonged
- When I disappointed her and made mistakes in my life, she never made me feel bad, she loved me anyways
- She bought me presents when I was sick when I was little
- She loved my daughter almost as much as I love my daughter. She was just as proud of her as I was
- She always made sure I was okay and she worried about me

-When she had PSP she never complained. She was so strong
- She had the most beautiful smile and when she had PSP and she smiled, her face lit up and she was so beautiful and stunning
- When I would go to see her in the nursing home and left she still wanted me to phone her when I got home so she knew I was safe and I was in my forties (lol)
-She had tons of friends and people who loved her

There are many more things I could say but I don't want to make this too long. Thank you for listening.

I am so grateful for all the support I have received on here and thank you so much from the bottom of my heart!

Love,
Lesley

my mom Bev passed away Jan 29/08 from PSP - love you mom
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Postby momppsp » Thu Jan 29, 2009 7:42 am

There you go Les! What beautiful things to remember about your Mom. I never thought about those things, so see, you've helped all of us to do exactly what you've done. Mom's are the greatest and most influential people in our lives that can never be replaced.

I'm sure it will be a wonderful tribute to your Mom and hope you have a great time at the hockey game.
Deborah-Mom w/PSP symp 9yrs+-diag. 6/04
received her wings January 10, 2008
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Postby les » Fri Jan 30, 2009 6:31 pm

Hi everyone:

Yesterday was really hard. I cried the whole time during the service and I kept trying to hold it in but I just couldn't so I thought, just cry. I also thought at one point I just have to get out of here but I sat there and stayed.

I ended up going to my aunts after for coffee which was good because I didn't want to go home and it helped a lot. I didn't go to the hockey game with my brother (long story)

So at least I made it through it.

Thanks,
Lesley
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Postby Bonkers » Sun Feb 01, 2009 4:33 pm

Amen Les amen! I hope by going and then looking back--you will gain a spark of peacefulness. A steadiness that you didn't have before. And no, I agree, it is never easy to tend to wounds. It is just something that has to be done in order for the wound to heal. Remember, tears are a good thing, when they are shed in love and in honor of those we miss, tears are a precious God given gift for us to use. Keep us posted on how you are doing. We want to know. We care.

Is your Aunt a sister to your Mom? Aunt's can be very helpful as they "know" the family and are a part of it! Good for you Les! I pray you have gained new strength in the days ahead.
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Postby les » Sun Feb 01, 2009 6:50 pm

Dear Bonkers:

My Aunt is my mom's sister. She and I have become very close since my mom's illness and death. We talk almost every day. She just lost her husband too in November, so she lost her sister last January and then her husband so it is doubly hard for her. I admire her so much she is a pillar of strength. She is pretty religious and has a lot of close friends from church plus her sons are really good to her.

I take her to a lot of my daughter's singing events. When my daughter was the lead in her school musical, I took my aunt. She also comes to all my daughter's singing competitions and some other performances.

Another positive thing I suppose since my mom passed away is my brother and I became closer. Here I was all worried we were going to drift apart and we became so much closer.

My dad is still having a very hard time. He hardly ever calls. I call him to see how he's doing and he's very depressed. He's probably moving back here in a month, so I hope he does so we can do things together, so he's not so lonely.

Thanks,
Lesley
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One Year

Postby Debs08 » Sat Mar 14, 2009 6:30 pm

I haven't been here in a long time but I knew exactly where to go. On Tuesday will be my Mom's one year anniversary. It's funny because I'm going to couseling and thought I was in control. Well low and behold one day I woke up and was in despair. I am so greatful for the support and love I have from friends and family to help me get through it. I can honestly say that no matter this first year has been hell. It has effected my personal life to my core. But the one thing I know is it will pass and crying will make it better. After a good cry all you can do is laugh! My heart is with all who are in mourning it will pass.
Debs08
 
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Postby momppsp » Sun Mar 15, 2009 9:51 am

Deb: The anniversaries are tough. Do you have family to go with you to the grave site? We did that in Jan. for Mom's first and toasted with pina coladas(Mom loved them). It was much easier with my sisters there. We talked to her, fussed at her for leaving, but, realized she is with Dad and much happier than here with us. Just remember, she's whole again.

After a good cry Tuesday I pray you will have peace knowing she will suffer no more.
Deborah-Mom w/PSP symp 9yrs+-diag. 6/04
received her wings January 10, 2008
momppsp
 
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Thanks for the kind words

Postby Debs08 » Sun Mar 15, 2009 6:54 pm

Unfortuantely, for me two of my best friends also lost a parent right around the time I did. I actually thought I was getting depressed again, but they clarified this feeling for me. They too had been through this at the one year anniversary not too long ago. I went today to Mom's gravesite, had a good cry and told her I missed her, but was glad this dreadful disease was no longer a part of her life. Tomorrow, I'm going to a mass that's being said for her. I live in NY, so my friends are taking me to the St. Patty's day parade like we did when we were kids. Mom always let me go when I was in HS, she loved a good celebration. Love the idea of the pina coladas, will have to do that with my aunts and her best friend. Thanks for the kind words.
Debs08
 
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Joined: Mon Feb 20, 2006 8:26 pm


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